


Homestuck: Full House Consequences

by AceyEnn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Parody, Squirrelking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceyEnn/pseuds/AceyEnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A satirical collab between me and some friends. Dave Strider saves the day!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homestuck: Full House Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> This is, of course, a parody of the works of Squirrelking, most notably Half-Life: Full Life Consequences. It was written by me and three friends--Sean, Derek, and Mashi--in an MSN chat, and is generally agreed to be fairly amusing. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we all enjoyed writing it!

Dave Strider who was Bro Striders brother was siting on a bean in the Land of heat and Clockwork. Suddenly, a pestering from John Egbert was a happened! John Egbert pestered at Dave Strider that bad things are going to be happening and causing mass destuction and needs help to fight the enemys and to get back to home as fastly has he can go. So Dave Strider got on his rocket bored and raced to John's location as fastly as he culd. but before he could make it to the protal, Amber Orgers attack Dave Strider!

Using his time power he made the ogers shrink to small size and he cut them in half with his sword. John Egbert pester Dave Strider again but Dave Strider type "Dont worry bro i killed the Amber Ogres".

John Egbert said "but the orgers here are too many and it is more than fighting I can fully do! said John Egbert. Dave Strider said K and jumped into the return portal with an action jump kick. Dave Strider made it through the portal to see every ogres attacking John Egbert with mighty punches that made John Egbert get hurt.

"Oh no!" sayed Dave Strider and went an chopped off orgers heads! The ogeres dropped lost of grist which dave picked up and keeped because John Egbert has too many and doesn't share.

Just then, a pestering from Jade Harley! "Dave Strider come quik there is troble at my house!"

"Dave Strider's work is never done" said Dave Strider as he wet threw the portal.

John Egbert said OH NO that is not the right portal Dave Stirder and Dave Strider went to a new world with out him knowing where he will be heading too. the protal closed and John Ebert heard got a pestering from a troll. It was GallowsCalibrator come to laugh at him once more How did she type John Egbert wondered because she was blind and used leetspeak.

And john Egbert said How do you type with no eyes said John Egbert typing at the troll. And Gallowscalibrator said H4H4H4H becose she was evil!

Meanwill Dave Strider was a Land of Lite and Rain! Were is the enemies said Dave Strider looking around. So he messaged rose Lalonde but she was sleeping. "Rose Lalonde stop sleeping it is a time for fiting!" shout Dave Strider. So he messaged Rose Lalonde but she was a sleeping but Rose Lalonde didn't waked up and Dave Strider was anger at Rose Lalonde for not waking up.

So Dave Strider punched the ground with his anger but Rose Lalonde was still sleep! but he punched the ground and woked up a giant see monster. what is this see monster doinbg here said Dave Strider because he thouht this place wasn't full of any enemies. A LIME SEA-SERPANT rised out of the water and hissed at Dave Strider. "SHIR!" sade Dave Stroder and hacked at the lime sea-serpent. But the Sea-serpent was too stong!

Suddenly, Rose Lalonde became awake and said "My friend Dave Strider is in trouble!" and went out of her hose. the sea searpants scales made Dave Striders sword not cut at all and made him useless! Suddenly Rose Lalonde came on to the scene with her trusty nedles. "I USE KNIGHTING NEEDLES BECAUSE I AM A FEMALE!" shout Rose Lalonde.

You can't poke the monster with those nedles said Dave Strider it is too strong and needs a new way to fight it. Dave Strider looked around for an idea. Then, he saw a Vodka Mutini! he tossed the Vodka Mutini at the monster and the monster sad "NO! NOT KITTEN!" and dyed and the monster droped lots of grist but it sinked to the bottom of the water and can't be getted. way to go said Rose Lalonde drieing off Vodka Muntie you got Vodka Mutini all wet. Dave Strider didn't care because he wonned

"I Dave strider am the winar!" said Dave Strider as he striked a pose. Then, pesters from John Egbert again! "You need to go save Jade Harley" Said the John Egbert. "Oh no!" said Dave Strider "I forgot Jade Harley!" and grabbed Rose Lalonde and Vodka Mutini and they went throug the protal.

Mean whiles John Egbert is sad because he didnd't know if Dave Strider is alived or not. It is me it is my fault said John Egbert. But then, Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde and Vodka Mutini cam through the portal and landed on John Egberts house!

you are alive said John Egbert really loudly and he huged Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde. "But how will we save Jade Harly now" Said John Egbert sadly. "We can use your jeptack!" sugested Rose Lalonde.what a dumb idea said said Dave strider as Dave Strider said i have that covered and Dave Strider grabbed John Egbert and Rose Lalonde and Vodka Mutini and then he spunned his records around and time reveresed. "Oh rite" said John Egbert "you have times tables." time then turned back to before Dave wented through Rose Lalondes portal and he stopped the other Dave Strider from doing that. Stop Dave Strider said Dave Strider. You can't do that that is the wrong portal and will lead you to another place you don't need to go yet. Dave Strider fist bunped Dave Strider. Then they all wetn through the next portal and landed on an iland!

Bacqeurel saw Dave Strider and John Egbert and Rose Lalonde and began barking. "BARK BARK" said Becquerel. "No man is an island" said Dave Strider deep in thought "But maybe dogs can be islands!" yelled John Egbert! All of a sudeent the imps came out of the sky. They are fromt he sky said John Egbert. The imps yelled and jumped all over the place and suddenly Becquerel became an island. there is no time for metaphorms said Dave Strider and they all went on the bec island to fight the imps!

"We need to fight the imps to save Jade Harley where she is!" said Dave Strider. I am here said Jade Harley on top of the tall tower "Hi Jade Harley!" said John Egbert. Jade Harely pulled out a gun and sniped an imp off John Egbert's head. "Thanks I could help guys!" said Jade Harly. "That's no apple!" said the John egbert and John Egbert secretly almost crapted his pants from that too.

Jade Harley continuet to fire bullets from her gun at the imps that were attacking her friends! Rose Lalonde used needles to poke imps in eyes! the imps screamed and bleeded. John Eggbort use hammers to smash the imps. Dave Strider used a big sword and slashed imps really fast! and then the imps were dead.

Suddenly Jack Noir who is now Sovereign Slayer and his best agents, Courtyard Droll, Draconic Dignitary, and Hegemonic Brute appeared! goddammit said Dave Strider. "You are the good guys and we hate good guys! Shouted Sovereign slayer! Dave strider didn't says anything and he flipped them off! "Oh no it is a finger!" said Soveregn Slayer! Sovereign Slayer flipped off Dave Strider in return with a double bird. Courtyard Droll Sawed a buterfly and chased after it! "One down" Said John Egbert! Dave strider quickly cut off Sovereign Slayers finger with his sword and youth rolled back to the group. Sovereign Slayer stoped being alive and everyone had hop for the world.

\---

"And that's the story of how me and my friends totally saved the planet from the Midnight Crew!" Dave said to his class.

"Dave, that is the worst excuse for not having your homework ever," said his teacher.

"WHATEVER," said Dave, and he left the classroom.

THE END


End file.
